i've been home for 20 days. but nobody's counting.

I have been home for approximately 20 days now, and even though I feel reflection will be an on-going process, I have certainly had plenty of time to think about my month abroad.  While my values have stayed more or less the same, my appreciation and awareness of certain aspects of life have increased.

I have grown to appreciate more aspects—especially certain mental and physical comforts—of life since my return to the United States.  I appreciate the seemingly simple things I used to take for granted like air conditioning, available internet, and flushing toilet paper.  I have focused more on the value my education and all the opportunities it has presented to me and all those to come.  Above all I value the feeling of being safe and the comfort and security of home. 

I know that I have changed since my trip to Mexico because I have become more aware and tolerant.  I have become more aware of my independence and ability to do things on my own.  I have a higher tolerance for the unknown.  Anybody who knows me understands that this is a big deal for me.  While I am not actively looking for more ambiguity in my life, I am better at handling not being in control and I have a better handle during difficult or stressful situations.  Problems can be solved more simply by identifying them and utilizing available resources instead of bothering with feeling worried. 

My self-confidence has increased not only in my ability to communicate despite barriers, but also overall.  I am a big believer in the fact that vulnerability is a necessary component to everyday life, and it just so happens that I find it easy opening up confidently to a bunch of strangers that I more than likely will never see again.  Now, I feel more inclined to take initiative and take risks. 

The new task at hand is figuring out how to integrate this “new me” back into my life at Meredith and at home.  As two different cultures and lifestyles conflict in my mind, I have already heard, “You’re a different person now,” and “You’re not in Mexico anymore, Ana.”  I wish I could explain to my friends and family how much good this trip has done for me; but I’m more than positive it’d be more effective to show rather than tell.  As much as I was ready to leave Mexico, I wasn’t done exploring; my adventure wasn’t over.  A completely agree with world traveler Jim Malarkey when he said, “It is difficult to live overseas and then come back to this country.  You carry within you a perpetual ache, a sense that we need to know more, to do more” (Paige et. al. 151).  My door to Mexico may have closed, but a lot of new windows in my personal journey have opened up.  I conquered study abroad—something I used to be so terribly against and afraid of.  Not to be cliché, but the possibilities are endless.

Paige, R. M., Andrew D. Cohen, Barbara Kappler, Julie C. Chi, and James P. Lassegard.

Maximizing Study Abroad: A Students' Guide to Strategies for Language and Culture

Learning and Use. 2nd ed. Minneapolis, MN: Center for Advanced Research on Language Acquisition, University of Minnesota, 2009. Print.

hogar dulce hogar

And I'm home.

After my quickie nap on Saturday morning, Gaby and Christy picked me up, and I said my goodbyes to Dona Patricia and Brandi.  At the airport I made it through my goodbyes keeping a straight face, and 2 excruciatingly long flights later I finally arrived at RDU.  I had been texting my friend Afeefa (mi mejor gordita) and she told me I better get my family time over quickly so that she could be the first friend to spend time with me.  Seemed easy enough to agree to that, until I walked off the plane and immediately ran into my friend Halie Sue.  She gave me the hugest hug in the world, told me she was about to board a plane to Mexico for a mission trip, told me she was reading my blog and that I better write about us meeting in the airport in my blog.  How could I not??

That night my mom made hamburgers, corn on the cob (which we bought fresh from the farm down the road), and macaroni salad.  it was awesome. 

In the mean time, I've been catching up with friends, doing laundry, eating cookout, shopping, swimming, and living up to Valerie's title of macha and reupholstering the antique chairs for my new kitchen table.  I've enjoyed air conditioning and my car to the max.  That, is new found appreciation.

In a way I feel culture shocks in reverse.  But that won't last long.  : )  Home sweet home.

beer & botanas = liiiiiiife : )

here i sit.  a couple hours before i have to leave for the airport.  i'm not sure how i feel; or even if i feel at all because i'm pretty sure all of the conflicting feelings are canceling each other out leaving me indifferent and numb.

i am SO excited to fly home and see my family and friends.  i miss my house and all the comforts of home. 

it is sad to be leaving mexico.  in some ways i feel like i have just gotten used to things, yet in others i feel like i wasn't given sufficient time to conquer them.  being stubborn, that is rather frustrating. 

the trip didn't turn out how i expected; which isn't a bad thing.  it was still totally worth it.  i hope my spanish has improved & i sure as hell hope i pass the proficiency test in the fall. 

not even today has turned out as planned.  but after living a month on mexico time, i can honestly say that i was hardly bothered by anything that happened or didn't happen. the plan was, wake up, go to centro, go to progresso, stay up allllll night, and catch a ride with gaby to the airport at 4:30 am.  welllllllll...after going to bed at 7:00 am (awesome.) i woke up at 10:00 am (without an alarm--which for some unknown reason went off at 11:39 am).  i didn't go to centro.  i went to the mega instead.  i wanted to buy dona patricia flowers, but they didn't have any.  instead alex and i bought dos equis and heineken, got passed up by like 5 different busses, and finally got picked up by a huge charter-ish bus to progresso.  did i mention i chugged 2 huge things of water before leaving for the beach so that i wouldn't get dehydrated?  that didn't work out because we ended up getting off the bus early in progresso so that i could pee.  i successfully took my first outside pee inside some random, abandoned, labyrinth construction site (awesome).  it was cloudy all day at the beach, all of our ice melted and our beers stayed warm.  we tried a bajillion botanas (snacks) at eladio's for like the bajillionth visit there.  caught a bus back to merida in which a baby puked the entire way while the mom yelled at it.  remembered to get off at our stop this time around.  went to my house and packed my bags.  went to alex's house and fell asleep for 2.5 hours.  his host mom locked us in.  for real.  locked us in.  i climbed out over the gate with a chair, stack of newspapers, and a step stool.  let me reiterate this.  i was trapped inside homegirls house and she was well aware that i was in the house.  that is ridiculous.  but i got out.  ate some more tacos.  probably the last tacos for a bajillion years.  no biggie.  gaby is picking me up in less than 2 hours.  i should probably take another nap.

probably more organized thoughts later.  maybe thoughts that involve capital letters.

listology

things I miss about the United States/North Carolina:

• my family
• my frands
• lucky
• my onyx
• unlimited texting
• air conditioning
• macaroni and cheese
• bojangle's
• cookout (aka cheesie fries)
• sunset slush
• my car
• feeling hydrated without having to pee literally every 10 minutes.
• drinking tap water
• drinking water when i'm thirsty and because i want to; not because if i don't drink it i'll pass out
• meredith college
• hillsborough street and downtown raleigh
• swimming pools
• doing my own laundry whenever i want
• having a choice about what i wear
• target
• being independent
• eating when i'm hungry and not when i'm not
• G105
• K 97.5
• True Blood
• farenheit
• flushing toilet paper
• St. Francis of Assisi being a church not a grocery store
• The Franciscan School
• golf
• ice skating

things I'll miss about Mexico:

• open bar
• walking (almost)
• refried beans
• rice
• kickboxing
• central college
• cheap mani-pedis
• spanish
• corn flakes for dinner
• iguanas

 things I won't miss about Mexico:

• bug bites
• cockroaches
• bedroom lizards
• ants
• heat
• humidity
• diarrhea
• numbered streets
• busses
• glorietas
•  walking everywhere
• mango, papaya, and mamey
• feeling dehydrated all the time
• homework
• un viejo que leia novelas de amor por luis sepulveda
• pesos

examining cultural differences in verbal and non-verbal communication

 Here in Mexico, there are several cultural differences in verbal and non-verbal communication. Wonderful. Because I'm already so good at verbal and non-verbal communication. Because I have yet to master the art of communication in the United States, it has not been easy experiencing the Mexican cultural differences—that is when I have actually been able to notice that a cultural difference is occurring.  I have only spent four short weeks in Mexico and I know that I have hardly progressed through the U-curve of culture shock and cross-cultural adjustment.  Only last weekend did I feel myself leaving the stage of cultural euphoria and into the stage of cultural confrontation and homesickness.  Now there is no time for cultural adjustment and adaptation. 

The other day in class, my teacher Silvia assigned for homework essay corrections, test corrections, and worksheets for trips to the Casa de Artesanias and a traditional dance in downtown.  It is quite a lot of work considering the amount of corrections needed (I know that one is my fault) the amount of travel time needed, and just the fact that we had already spent half the day at school when during my study abroad time, I'd love to just experience the culture of the country and practice my Spanish--not sit around doing grammar exercises in my room. 

My classmates and I put a lot of time and effort into our work.  At school the next day, my teacher did not ask for any of our assignments and instead we spent the entire day at school watching the Mexico vs. Uruguay game and making piñatas for Thursday’s end of term party.  The expectations for assignments and due dates was not communicated clearly.  I feel like these miscommunications in my class happened somewhat regularly.  For example, if I tell my teacher that I think she is assigning too much work for one night she takes it as me complaining about her and not as a sincere, not lazy concern.  I am used to idea-oriented communication in which a disagreement is directly stated and only the idea is wrong, not the person; whereas, in this situation it appears that communication is more relationship-oriented in which disagreeing with an idea is viewed as being the same as disagreeing with the person who originated it.

            I have noticed other non-verbal cultural communication differences as well.  For example, the “rules” of eye contact seem different.  During one of my first few days here, I caught the eye of a man in a department store window and smiled at him.  He immediately looked away and didn’t look back.  I later learned that it was not appropriate for me to make eye contact and smile at a strange man.  I didn’t mean anything by it since the eye contact was accidental and the smile was only friendly, but my actions could have been interpreted as inappropriate.  Waiters rarely make and keep eye contact with customers, but yet they hover around your table almost out of sight waiting to serve you. 

            Personal space is a very different idea here.  It almost does not exist.  Public transportation is beyond crowded and in general people are okay with being very close to each other.  During my placement exam, I remember sitting very close with the teacher who was talking with me—a lot closer than I have sat with any professor at Meredith.

            Although my time in Mexico has been short and I have not been able to read cultural adaption and adjustment but I can at least say that I’ve had a taste of the Yucatecan culture.

i just can't get enough

i've watched this video way too many times in the past few days. it makes me laugh. enjoy. : )

oh she found the strength to break free like a painted wild mustang flying out across the open range

Since I have been "out of town" more or less all weekend, it has been awhile since I've updated my blog.  Here goes nothing.

Thursday--Mexico played France in futbol.  Mexico won.  I watched crazy reactions on the news.  And while I walked around town, people were going crazy here in Merida too.  People were honking their horns, waving flags, using noisemakers, and joy-riding around town.  I went to Eladio's later that afternoon and the waiters were still all wearing their jerseys and some people were still going crazy.  That night, a group of us went to a club called Tequila.  People were still wearing their jerseys in the club.  On the way home from the club, a police man pulled our car over (a friend of Gaby's that works at Tequila was driving).  There wasn't really a reason.  He just pulled us over.  And searched the trunk.  You can't argue that in Mexico.  The police can do whatever they want.  There is a HUGE police presence here in Merida.  But I've never seen them doing anything.  Except pull us over pointlessly at 3:00 in the morning.

Friday--7:30 am departure for Chichen Itza.  8,000 tourists move through this site a day.  We got there early, so we were able to take really good pictures without a million people running around in the background.  There are 365 steps on this pyramid, and sadly, they don't allow tourists to climb up and down anymore.  From Chichen Itza, we left for Tulum where we stayed in a hostel.  Long story short, if you drink rum and fall asleep in an outdoor hammock, you will get 10000s of bug bites regardless of whether or not you applied bug spray 3 times.  Lesson learned?

Saturday--Of course not.  After a beautiful day at the Mayan ruins at Tulum, near-heat exhaustion on the beach, and a 3-4 hour rest under a shady palm tree, the same thing happened.  Whoops.

Sunday--Not a fun day.  Forgot the rest of the rum in the fridge at the hostel.  Itched like no other.  Diarrhea?  or TMI?

Today--went to class.  We didn't make pinatas like Silvia promised.  Instead we watched a depressing movie called Under the Same Moon (La misma luna).  And we had to visit la casa de artesanias (a little market for artists) AND a traditional dance.  Long story short, Alex and I fail at taking buses and ended up spending the afternoon at the air conditioned mall--which is the complete opposite side of where we wanted to be. 

Also--Valerie (the director) told me I was butch today.  Why?  Because I carry around a clip board.  I educated her that it was A. a cute clip board created by my roommate, B. that girls all over my women's college carry clip boards and that it was in no way butch, and C. that clipboards are very commonly used where I am from by people of all ages.